Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
