I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
