I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
