You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Everclear isn't food dammit
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
