They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
