I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
