We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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