She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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