I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
