Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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