Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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