I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
