I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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