What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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