I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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