I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My vagina just clenched in fear
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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