Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you never un-have a 4some
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
