I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
