I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
