bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
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Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
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Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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