he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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