I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
