not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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