Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
a search helicopter?!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You need Xanax blowdarts
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
