Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
