theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
