Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
