Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
