i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
