my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
