Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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