So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
