I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
