I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
