bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
