i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
please don't ironically join a cult
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