I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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