She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
