I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'