The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
