ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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