Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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