the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
