woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
