wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
