i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
