So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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