I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
