Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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