i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
