we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
