i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize