checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
