So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
