he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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