Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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