I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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