I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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