Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think I sprained my soul last night
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
