Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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