i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
