and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so explain again why im purple
no
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
