he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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