Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
