Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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