This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
