Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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