we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
