im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
