When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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