Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize