The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
