Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
