Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
